According to the dictionary it means a powerful or compelling emotion. The example was love or hate. Funny thing is I keep my emotions in check for the most part and it just didn't seem to apply to my teaching and really did not feel that was an impact on my acting and writing. I mean they are things I just do. Not compelled but a part of my everyday life. I was thinking I had used and defined passion in a completely wrong way. Even as a young man I did not feel swells of emotion except when angry or just resenting the world around me. I met my wife and realized what love was and then that was even pushed further with the birth of my two sons. Again obviously I did not understand that the word meant.
Now I will be very honest with you when I say I am not sentimental and some of you may pass judgement on me with what I am about to say. I do not dwell on the past but I do study it. I do not sit around and grieve the lost of my parents, they died it happens and I can only hope they are better off. Not a real religious statement but not discussing religion, maybe some other time. It is not that I did not love them or anything like that, I just see no sense worrying about something that is in the past and I cannot change and is something that will happen to me sometime over the next 40 years, unless I can cheat death a bit longer. It is just like someone who is a huge fan of a show or team, I don't get it. I just do not feel that if I don't wear my lucky hat it is going to have any impact on how a team fairs on the field. I love the strategy and the art of athletics and loved coaching because of that challenge to take a team of teenagers and mold them into a successful team. Again not a definition of passion.
I am getting closer to the point where I can retire from teaching to pursue acting and writing. Until recently I thought I had a passion for the classroom but outside influences such as administration nit picking everything apart and interfering with how I teach my student has just about sucked any love I get from the classroom out of it. Then I get into a class discussion with my students and forget about those headaches. I love teaching teenagers it is the adults that make it a misery. Parents going my poor baby has never made a B before which is just them loving their kids. But as much as I enjoy the classroom it is not a passion. If it was then no one could detract my enjoyment of that classroom. I might be getting a clue of what passion could actually mean.
Acting and writing I have learned to call a passion. I say learned because something has dawned on me that even when things go wrong in a rehearsal, on set or I throw away an hour or more writing because I just did not like what I wrote, it is still not disheartening, I don't think about giving it up, and I cannot imagine for a second not doing it. I buried my love of acting and writing for 25 years while I was a teacher/coach. I had to make a decision to do what was best for my family and so I hung it up. I became grumpy and a consumed with winning titles. Substituting that for the acting and writing. Working 110 hours a week and moving my family all over Texas. Competitive, driven to succeed, and having to be the best were all part of it but not a passion. Then the politics of coaching got to me. When the students were not the most important thing to those around me I could not do it any more so I quit coaching and just taught. After a few months of coming home right after school and spending the weekends home, my wife told me, with nothing but love, GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! She pushed me to go into the acting and have not looked back.
Writing was something else. My oldest son is a young writer and very gifted, no not because he is my son but actually enjoy his work. He inspired me to go back to writing scripts. I used to do that before the coaching and teaching gig. I saw the love and yes passion he had for writing. No matter how many times he was told no and no matter how bad he felt he is always writing and re-writing. It is amazing to watch him work and each time he just becomes better. A friend asked me to write a script and we could not decide between a web series or a feature so I wrote both. Then we needed a proof of concept short and was asked to write that also. It was amazing to be on set of something I had written. It has been a very long time since that had happened. I was actually proud of myself which is a very rare event.
I have finally learned that passion si more than a powerful or compelling emotion. It is about embracing your life and the things around you. That is not more about love but is blended with love. It is not more important than life but all about your life. Others cannot dissuade you and things going wrong are just learning opportunities. Passion makes it all worth it. So embrace your definition of passion. It is okay to feel powerful or compelled.
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Images 1y David Taylor
You have conveyed many of my feelings about the last 30 years. I glad you have found your next or returned to what you want to do, not what needed to be done. I look forward to doing that soon. I'm not sure what it will be but, I'm still looking forward to something different.